In the notes section of my iPhone I have a list called my happiness project. Under that section I have random thoughts and reminders that I have jotted down for myself dating back to October 26th, 2010. It's interesting to look back at the things I thought were important at the time and see how I'm dealing with them now. I have a note about my sentiment when changing companies, ideas on the triathlon I want to produce, my "three things" I want out of a relationship, people's birthdays and vacations that I want to take. One note in particular that I like, posted on December 25, 2010, simply says "stop drinking, you can't sleep."
One of the things that I absolutely love about my life is that it's very social. I love hanging out with my girlfriends, I regularly go on dates (thanks to match.com) and I do fun activities on the weekends like skiing. When you're like me and pack all of that and more into one week, it's often difficult to decide which night warrants a celebratory beverage. If the girls come over - you know there is wine, if I'm on a date - you know there is beer, and at aprรจs ski on the weekends - you know there is a frosty brew.
Last summer, I gave up drinking for the duration of my brother's deployment in Afghanistan. In the first couple of weeks my sugar cravings went way up. I wanted candy or ice cream and my beverage of choice was an Arnold Palmer stacked with sugary lemonade. After a couple of months, these cravings subsided and I fell into a more normal routine. My sense of smell heightened and I could smell the sweetness of wine from across the table, my taste buds became stronger and the my clarity of thought was exciting. I could stay up later and still have the energy to leap out of bed in the morning. Moreover, I really enjoyed this way of life.
Once Dary got back, and since he was my reason for not indulging, I clicked a celebratory brew with him in August. Since then, I moved back to Colorado and I've been catching up with friends, going on lots of dates and skiing every weekend. And again, I've fallen into a pattern where it is hard to distinguish which night should be the "party" night.
On a side note, when I do partake in adult beverages I usually drink two beers, which is more than enough for me to feel the effects. Despite not having a lot to drink I still get mad at myself for having any at all. My friends say to me - Abby, it's not like you drink a lot and it's OK to have a couple of beers. I suppose I'm telling you this to give you a sense of my habits, which are not necessarily of overindulgence but rather of too frequent of indulgence, at least for my standards.
I find that even if I just have one beer with dinner when I'm out on a date that I still get mad at myself. Getting back to that note that I left myself in my phone over a year ago, which said "stop drinking, you can't sleep," I find that even half a glass of wine has the potential to disrupt my sleeping patterns as well as my energy for the next day. Moreover, I want a level of control in my life that excludes this type of behavior.
There are a couple of other things that have influenced my thought process on this matter. The first is, I'm at the age where I expect the people around me to have the discipline to not drink if they are driving and to not drink to dullness, as Ben Franklin said in his 13 virtues. My point here is that I want to act in the way that I expect others to act.
The other reason is derived from my age, my goals and what I see happening among my friends. It's no secret that I am single and want to get married and have kids. Biologically, I want to protect my assets so when time is right, I'll be ready and able to reproduce. The fact is, women are born with a certain number of eggs and those degrade over time. The scary thing is, I have friends who are trying to conceive and they are having trouble due to degrading eggs or simply because of age, literally, as pronounced by medical tests. In my own head I do believe that good nutrition and health could have a positive impact on keeping every part of my body in good working condition, including those little eggs inside of me.
I think that a compounding factor to why I enjoy beer is related to my sugar addiction. When I was training for the Ironman I believe that I subconsciously taught my body that if I was even a smidgen of tired or hungry that I should pop a chocolate gu or eat something. Despite my historic love for sugar, this habit of popping sugar bites has transcended into my every day life. At work the thought will cross my mind, ooh, I'd love some chocolate right now. Or, ooh, I want some skittles. Last Friday morning as I finished up my coffee, I got one of these thoughts at 10:30am and I thought - woa, I'm addicted to sugar. I think that consuming beer satisfies that subconscious smidgen of desire to pop some sugar in my mouth and quench that little urge.
Hinging on the New Year and what I felt should be my resolutions, I decided last Friday to go cold turkey on alcohol and sugar.
A week later I'm in the airport, heading home from a business trip and find a book called The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. I found that her reason for taking on a year of happiness, as the book describes, closely parallels many of the things I've thought about in my own life. Despite the fact that I'm in an amazing phase of my life and bursting with more happiness than I remember having in years, I still have times when I think - wow I'm so lucky and I have so much, so why is it that I fail to appreciate it more in the moment?. She goes on to list the things that make her happy, and I did the same in the notes section of my iPhone, once again.
My list of things that make me happy looks like this:
- Exercise, walking Zion every morning, fresh air
- Skiing in powder with friends
- Socializing
- Being busy, resting when needed
- Being aware, awake and alive (not drinking alcohol, like caffeine)
- Having control of my health (no candy)
- Good reputation at work
- Being influential, thoughtful and wise
- Good conversation to pass time or contemplate my new big idea
- Being productive
- Family
- Enjoying nature, being natural
- Reading vs electronic stimulation
- Laughing
- Feeling loved, loving others, seeing Zion happy
- Getting up and outside early in the morning
- Sun and blue skies
- Cleanliness and order
- Cooking / baking
Regardless of what I decide to be the most important activities on my happiness list, I am vowing to myself to stop doing things that I don't like and act like the person that I want to be.