Recovering from 2009

There are certain things that heal a broken heart. Support from friends who truly love you, dunks, and powder. I have two of three here in Boston.

2009 was one of the hardest years of my life. I turned 30, broke up with my live-in boyfriend of 3.5 years, moved 2000 miles from the Rocky Mountains to Boston, and saw more business deals come and go without coming to fruition than ever before. In the heat of my heartbreak I saw my two best friends get engaged. Many times I trudged home from work with with tears screaming down my face. And yet I've felt my heart race again when I meet someone new. The anger, heart-break, and sadness still surface, but as Bella would say, the edges around my heart don't sting as much anymore.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch in our Vermont house, blogging, and watching the snow fall outside on top of our hot tub. Little daisy is curled up next to me and Dan's music mix is easing my hungover muscles. The last two days were cold, cold, cold. My big toe turned black with frostbite and stung like a mo'fo when it thawed. Dary came up and skiied with me yesterday. We found one run with some powder, but otherwise I was negotiating ice on my butterknife powder skiis, which clearly don't help me much out here.

I'm not sure if I'm sold on Boston. Coming back was a bit of an experiment. The intention was to come back for 5 months and then decide to stay or go back. Zion is happier here. I get great fulfillment from hanging out with my parents, Gia, Jodi, and Jamie's family. It was a rough year at work, but at least I sit in the same office as Nate again and look out our huge bay windows onto the Back Bay.

Tonight I get to wish away 2009 and hope for a better 2010. It's going to be cold in Boston and come March I'll be training for the Ironman. I certainly didn't let myself rest by signing up for that. It should serve as the greatest test of my strength - physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every day that I train, I think about how the strains of life take so much from my outer shell, but I feel so powerful from within. It's like there is an inner strength that is telling me how ready I am to do this, how strong I am, and how I've never had more strength in my life than right now. Frankly, I know exactly what that strength is meant for and it's not for IM, but that is where I'm going to direct it.

My heart of crying out for just one thing, but as Jodi says, I have another couple of months before I'll be ready for it.