Chasing strength is a good name for the way I'm feeling today, although I don't even have the energy to find it let alone chase it. Point blank, I feel like shit. I've taken the last two days off and I'm still completely exhausted physically and emotionally.
The alarm has gone off at 5am three times this week and I only mustered the strength to rise and shine for one of those occasions. I do feel however, that last weekend included some break throughs with distances and how I felt during my workouts. I rode and ran further than I have in the last few months. On Saturday I went for a beautiful 30 mile bike ride through Concord and on Sunday I took Zion for an awesome 8.5 mile run which included 3 miles of trail running in the fells. Monday I swam and Tuesday I took spin class. One of the trainers at the gym even commented on how I'm leaning down and how my efforts are starting to pay off. The part that sucks is that I felt so good on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday and yet for the last two days I've felt terrible. I am hating this feeling.
I'm finding that my "recovery day" is consistently the worst day of the week. Yesterday I took the day off and ate candy and drank beers and today I ate even more candy and I can hardly move from my bed. Ugh. I suppose it doesn't help that I have been a little naughtly lately with going out and eating poorly. The problem is that the more tired I am, the worse my behavior is. What I really need on tired days is to eat healthy, go to bed early, and take it easy. I'm effectively doing the opposite.
I can't even imagine how difficult this is going to become when I get into the "build" phase of my training. Let me share with you what my second and third week of "build" training will entail:
Sunday July 18
Bike 1 hr 15 min
Run 1 hr 11 min
Core work
Monday
Recovery Swim 30 min 1500 yards
Tuesday
Bike 1 hr 40 min
Run 35
Wednesday
Swim 1 hr 6 min 3300 yards
Bike 1 hr 16 min
Run 23 min
Thursday
Bike 1 hr Tabata Intervals
Run 1 hr Hill Bounding
Core Strength
Friday
Resistance Swim 52 min 2600 yards
Saturday
Bike 3 hrs 26 min
Run 35 min
Sunday July 25
Bike 1 hr 15 min
Run 1 hr 15
Core work
Monday
Recovery Swim 30 min 1500 yards
Tuesday
Bike 2 hrs
Run 40 min
Wednesday
Swim big set 1 hr 14 min 3700 yards
Bike 1 hr 15 min
Run 21 min
Thursday
Bike Tabata Intervals 1 hr
Run Hill Bounding 1 hr
Core work
Friday
Resistance Swim 1 hr 2 min 3100 yards
Saturday
Bike 3 hrs 40 min
Run 40 min
I look at this schedule and wonder how I'm going to do it. The biggest issue is fitting in sleep. I can knock out a swim in the morning and do an hour or two after work but the problem is the next day when I try to do it all over again. The alarm goes off at 5am and it's a rude awakening. I found out a couple of months ago that to be able to workout day after day I will have to be disciplined about sleep and managing my diet. Unfortunately, I have a massive sweet tooth and I love beer, so I've got that working against me.
Tomorrow I'm going to force myself out of this slump and take Zion for a nice long run. I'll let the endorphins kick back in to support my spirit and I'll feed them all day long with caffeine. My suffering will only last until I get pumped up again since it'll be Friday night and I'll be going out with my girls. Saturday will come and I'll be only half rested with lack of sleep but hopefully I will not have indulged. I'll spin out 40 miles, take a quick rest, and get ready for Saturday night. Oh yes, it's becoming more obvious where the problem is, but quite hard to avoid nonetheless.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
New Mexico - full of light
Being in New Mexico this weekend was such a pleasure. We packed the weekend with adventures starting with the celebration of Dary graduating as a Combat Rescue Office in the USAF Pararescue, that others may live. He has been training for the past year and a half to become one of the few who will be called into action to rescue and save another. Don't feel bad if you haven't heard of this job before. Everyone recognizes the name Navy Seal or Green Beret, but few know about the Pararescue team.
The Pararescue job was created 60 years ago when a Doc and two medics jumped into the Vietnam forest by way of airplane to save the men on the ground. At the time, there was no other way of accessing the men and there was no one to call if you got stuck. The effort was successful and after a month of treating the men on the ground all were able to walk out alive. Today, Dary is one of only 500 men who serve on the Pararescue team.
To become a CRO (combat rescue officer) or PJ (pararescue jumper) you must endure 1.5 to 2 years of training. Since Dary is already an officer his training was compacted into 1.5 years. The major difference is that the PJs have more extensive medical training. All endured INDOC, which is as brutal as you can imagine it to be and it has been portrayed fairly well in movies. To get through - you must be able to complete a million push ups, sit ups, pull ups, running, and lots and lots of water exercises. The point of the training is to see how well the men act and survive under stress and discomfort. They do exercises like tieing your hands and feet together and bobbing to the bottom of the pool or putting your feet up on the side of the pool and continuously dunking your head underwater. The tasks become more and more complicated when the boys work together as a team to share air. By the end, you know how to blow the water out your face mask under water and untangle breathing apparatus and backpack cords while holding your breath under water. It's during INDOC that many of the men drop out. In the next two sessions, the rest of the men quit or give up.
The training continues with resuce and survival tactics including land navigation, mountain operations, jumping out of airplanes at 1500 feet, jumping out of helicopters, water operation, weapons, and medical. To sum it up, the training is brutal.
Dary will be stationed in Vegas and can be deployed at any time. His mission can be anything that involves rescuing and savings civilians or our military from any category. The US Air Force Pararesuce is the only group in the military that has the mission to save others. The saying goes - even a Navy Seal or a Green Beret need to call 911 sometimes. That's when Dary comes in.
The graduation was very exciting and they did a great job informing the families of what our boys have been up to for the last couple of years. After the men put on their maroon berets they all lined up and we got to shake every person's hand. That part was awesome.
The next day we went to Old Town, Santa Fe to enjoy the serenely beautiful adobe architecture and outdoor museums. The adventure was so fulfilling for me. Beginning with the 60 mile drive from Albuquerque over the rugged terrain to Santa Fe the ground was covered with sage brush and the mountains stood up tall. I couldn't decide if the brush covered terrain was more beautiful than it is in Colorado since I actually enjoyed seeing it here, sparse and dry, or if it was that I missed Colorado and appreciated this type of landscape more than before. The land, hot sun on my skin, and high elevation air felt good.
Walking around the beautiful museums and seeing local craftsman work was such a pleasure. It was a pleasant surprise to find work from an artist that I particularly liked from fairs in Boulder, named Sweet Bird. Her work is functional and machine-like sprinkled with inspirational themes and pretty things. She can't be mistaken for just-a-chick-artist though, she's a real badass. Check out evil by nature.
Feeling good and seeing brilliant colors and art done well is enough to send me over the edge. It pours so much inspiration into my soul that I think about doing crazy things like living more simply and deviating from the norm.
Our final day in New Mexico was spent doing a backwards sprint triathlon in Rio Rancho. The town has sprung up from no where since HP built a new office there and it boasts modern facilities like the Aquatic Center, from where the race started. The race was super fun since it went in the opposite order - run bike swim. The run and bike were super hilly with lots of climbing and the run even featured a 1 mile trail run through soft dirt. The views of course were spectacular featuring red dessert dirt and sage brush with big and powerful mountains in the background, almost too far to reach. The sun shone through them and the colors were deep, vaguely green, and orange and red.
At first I thought the swim would be easy since it was only 400 meters and in a pool, but after I jumped in and began my serpentine swim I quickly realized how thin the air was. Holding my breath for even one second was impossible and I don't even think I did one stroke before I flipped over and completed the swim on my back. It sucks to be the one coming from sea level when I used to train at 5,000 to 10,000 feet daily. Regardless, the feeling of ectasy following the race was enough to make me want to sign up for a triathlon every weekend.
The whole weekend was so amazing. From spending time with my family, celebrating Dary's incredible accomplishments and the beginning of his new career, feeling, seeing and breathing in the west, experiencing a new place filled with light and beauty, talking through the possibilities of metalworking with Tommy, basking in the sun with ink still tatooed on my arm from my tri...I could go on and on.
I'm so happy for such a wonderful experience. Everything happens for a reason and inspiration comes from everywhere. It's so hard to capture it during the daily grind and I've been desperate to find it lately. For now, I'll take my sun tanned skin and oxygen deprived air ... memories of beauty and the happiness that came with it... I'll mull it around in my head for the next few days until I fall back into the normal humdrum life and routine that I live. I just have to decide what the trick is...go back for more and replenish my soul with all of these good things.... or make changes.
Spring Fling Triathlon
Rio Rancho NM - April 18, 2010
5k run, 30k bike, 400yd swim.
Results
4th AG, Abigail Porter
31 Winchester MA
1:49:10.30
Run 27:12 Bike 1:13:53 Swim 8:07
1st AG, Allie Duba
24 Albuquerque NM
1:33:41.50
Run 22:47 Bike 1:04:15 Swim 6:41
The Pararescue job was created 60 years ago when a Doc and two medics jumped into the Vietnam forest by way of airplane to save the men on the ground. At the time, there was no other way of accessing the men and there was no one to call if you got stuck. The effort was successful and after a month of treating the men on the ground all were able to walk out alive. Today, Dary is one of only 500 men who serve on the Pararescue team.
To become a CRO (combat rescue officer) or PJ (pararescue jumper) you must endure 1.5 to 2 years of training. Since Dary is already an officer his training was compacted into 1.5 years. The major difference is that the PJs have more extensive medical training. All endured INDOC, which is as brutal as you can imagine it to be and it has been portrayed fairly well in movies. To get through - you must be able to complete a million push ups, sit ups, pull ups, running, and lots and lots of water exercises. The point of the training is to see how well the men act and survive under stress and discomfort. They do exercises like tieing your hands and feet together and bobbing to the bottom of the pool or putting your feet up on the side of the pool and continuously dunking your head underwater. The tasks become more and more complicated when the boys work together as a team to share air. By the end, you know how to blow the water out your face mask under water and untangle breathing apparatus and backpack cords while holding your breath under water. It's during INDOC that many of the men drop out. In the next two sessions, the rest of the men quit or give up.
The training continues with resuce and survival tactics including land navigation, mountain operations, jumping out of airplanes at 1500 feet, jumping out of helicopters, water operation, weapons, and medical. To sum it up, the training is brutal.
Dary will be stationed in Vegas and can be deployed at any time. His mission can be anything that involves rescuing and savings civilians or our military from any category. The US Air Force Pararesuce is the only group in the military that has the mission to save others. The saying goes - even a Navy Seal or a Green Beret need to call 911 sometimes. That's when Dary comes in.
The graduation was very exciting and they did a great job informing the families of what our boys have been up to for the last couple of years. After the men put on their maroon berets they all lined up and we got to shake every person's hand. That part was awesome.
The next day we went to Old Town, Santa Fe to enjoy the serenely beautiful adobe architecture and outdoor museums. The adventure was so fulfilling for me. Beginning with the 60 mile drive from Albuquerque over the rugged terrain to Santa Fe the ground was covered with sage brush and the mountains stood up tall. I couldn't decide if the brush covered terrain was more beautiful than it is in Colorado since I actually enjoyed seeing it here, sparse and dry, or if it was that I missed Colorado and appreciated this type of landscape more than before. The land, hot sun on my skin, and high elevation air felt good.
Walking around the beautiful museums and seeing local craftsman work was such a pleasure. It was a pleasant surprise to find work from an artist that I particularly liked from fairs in Boulder, named Sweet Bird. Her work is functional and machine-like sprinkled with inspirational themes and pretty things. She can't be mistaken for just-a-chick-artist though, she's a real badass. Check out evil by nature.
Feeling good and seeing brilliant colors and art done well is enough to send me over the edge. It pours so much inspiration into my soul that I think about doing crazy things like living more simply and deviating from the norm.
Our final day in New Mexico was spent doing a backwards sprint triathlon in Rio Rancho. The town has sprung up from no where since HP built a new office there and it boasts modern facilities like the Aquatic Center, from where the race started. The race was super fun since it went in the opposite order - run bike swim. The run and bike were super hilly with lots of climbing and the run even featured a 1 mile trail run through soft dirt. The views of course were spectacular featuring red dessert dirt and sage brush with big and powerful mountains in the background, almost too far to reach. The sun shone through them and the colors were deep, vaguely green, and orange and red.
At first I thought the swim would be easy since it was only 400 meters and in a pool, but after I jumped in and began my serpentine swim I quickly realized how thin the air was. Holding my breath for even one second was impossible and I don't even think I did one stroke before I flipped over and completed the swim on my back. It sucks to be the one coming from sea level when I used to train at 5,000 to 10,000 feet daily. Regardless, the feeling of ectasy following the race was enough to make me want to sign up for a triathlon every weekend.
The whole weekend was so amazing. From spending time with my family, celebrating Dary's incredible accomplishments and the beginning of his new career, feeling, seeing and breathing in the west, experiencing a new place filled with light and beauty, talking through the possibilities of metalworking with Tommy, basking in the sun with ink still tatooed on my arm from my tri...I could go on and on.
I'm so happy for such a wonderful experience. Everything happens for a reason and inspiration comes from everywhere. It's so hard to capture it during the daily grind and I've been desperate to find it lately. For now, I'll take my sun tanned skin and oxygen deprived air ... memories of beauty and the happiness that came with it... I'll mull it around in my head for the next few days until I fall back into the normal humdrum life and routine that I live. I just have to decide what the trick is...go back for more and replenish my soul with all of these good things.... or make changes.
Spring Fling Triathlon
Rio Rancho NM - April 18, 2010
5k run, 30k bike, 400yd swim.
Results
4th AG, Abigail Porter
31 Winchester MA
1:49:10.30
Run 27:12 Bike 1:13:53 Swim 8:07
1st AG, Allie Duba
24 Albuquerque NM
1:33:41.50
Run 22:47 Bike 1:04:15 Swim 6:41
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Creepy Ken
Main Entry: creepy
Pronunciation: \ˈkrē-pē\
: producing a nervous shivery apprehension, a creepy horror story; also : eerie
: of, relating to, or being a creep : annoyingly unpleasant
Main Entry: ap•pre•hen•sion
Pronunciation: \ˌa-pri-ˈhen(t)-shən\
: suspicion or fear especially of future evil : foreboding, an atmosphere of nervous apprehension.
Main Entry: 1fore•bod•ing
Pronunciation: \-ˈbō-diŋ\
: the act of one who forebodes; also : an omen, prediction, or presentiment especially of coming evil : portent
It's Thursday night swim practice and the team is waiting around by the pool. I had been looking forward to tonight for the social after practice. As we waited for practice to start a fellow swimmer struck up conversation with me. In the short minute or two that we talked I had told him that I was planning on going to the social but had to take the train to Alewife to get my car and drive back into Harvard Square so that I'd have my car ready when I wanted to leave.
Meanwhile, I had been working out a lot this week. On Monday I swam, ran, and did core work; on Tuesday I biked with the Rippers in the morning; and on Wednesday I swam. Now it's Thursday and I ran with Zion in the morning and here I was at swim practice that same day. Needless to say, I was tired. So, I jumped out of the pool after 40 minutes, which no one does because practice is always at least an hour. I start heading towards the showers to begin the process of retrieving my car. As I'm walking to the locker room I hear my name and Ken is right behind me. He stops me and offers to walk with me to get my car. I refuse saying, no, you don't have to do that encourage him to get back into the water. By association of the swim team I assume he's a normal guy, but I did think it was odd for him to jump out of the pool earlier then he probably intended to walk with me to my car. After going back and forth, I finally agree to let him come.
Upon acceptance, he says "great! I'll be ready in 5 minutes." I say, "I'll be ready in 15."
I'm by my locker having just gotten out of the shower and I hear Ken's voice echo into the locker room asking me I'm still there. I yell out yes. Knowing that he was waiting for me, I pop my head out of the locker room and let him know that I still had to dry my hair. Upon doing so, he pulls his head around the corner and says "is anyone in there?" My reaction was - "you can't come in here and yes there are people in here!" I turn around quickly and head back into the locker room and he says "you look nice."
I'm back at the hair dryer thinking... this guy is kind of weird. Why would he ask if anyone is in the locker room and why did he even think for one second that he could come in. People are in and out of the locker room all the time and changing. That's just weird. And why would he say I look nice when I'm clearly not ready yet and have soaking wet hair. Yuck.
I walk out of the locker room when I'm done. He offers me his jacket for the walk, which I gladly accept since the temperature had plummeted throughout the day from 6 and sunny to 50 degrees and misty. When he gestured to give me his jacket, he motions like he was going to put it on me for me. I say thank you and just grab the jacket, not letting him put it over my shoulders. In my head I think, this is too close for comfort and everything about this guy is skeezing me out.
As we walk over the JFK bridge I'm consciously aware that he's walking too close to me. My legs are completely bare since I had worn a short summer dress and flip flops that day. In the background, he's telling me what he does for work. His story doesn't make sense and he's talking in circles. He's explaining that his business is managing people's risk. So I ask some probing questions like - "so are you selling the service to talk with people about managing their risk, or are you a money manager? What exactly are you?" He doesn't really answer the question and talks in circles some more. After about 7 minutes of this I say, "if this is your business you should really be more clear about what you do." I'm turned off greatly by this. Being in sales, I have a keen ear for getting to the point and coming away from a conversation with clear answers.
As we wait for the train I'm sipping on my nuun water. He says "give me some of that." Reactively, I hand him the bottle. As soon as he sips it, I think "damn, now I can't have anymore and I'm going to have to throw that out."
We walk onto the train and I take a single seat, flanked by people on either side. He walks over and continues to ask me normal questions in a weird way. He asks "did you go to college?" Most people say "where did you go to college?" I found it both condescending and weird that he asked in that way. At the next stop he asked the person next to me to slide over so he could sit next to me. He sat with a wide stance so that his leg was uncomfortably close to mine and his bag was on his lap and both arms were crossed close to his chest. I felt a tapping on my side as he asked me questions. At the time, I wasn't sure if it was his bag, or his finger.
During the next two stops his talk got to be incomprehensible. He told me that "Boston is such a mind fuck. Everyone lives with all his history, like the Mayflower and Paul Revere." Confused, I asked "so how does that weigh you down?" He had no answer.
Over the next few minutes it became extremely clear that he was unable to communicate in a linear thought pattern. I'm thinking, great - rather than bringing someone with me who could make me feel safer, I'm bringing the weirdo with me.
Each stop we're getting closer and closer to Alewife Station where I had parked my car earlier in the day. The parking lot is large and there is no security. I know that soon I'll be in a unpopulated garage with him and alone. While I'm still in the train I'm getting everything organized so that I have my keys in hand. Here we are, the last stop. At this point, I'm on high alert. My heart is even paced, my adrenaline is ready to surge, and I'm pissed thinking ... if this kid tries to do anything I'm going to kick his ass.
As we ride up the escalator I'm a couple of stairs ahead of him and I feel the back of his finger rest on the back of my knee. I turn around and say "did you just touch me?!" He says "oh sorry, I didn't mean to." I step forward away from him and say in a strong and assertive voice "you're just saying some really weird things. I just met you and you're here about to drive with me and I want to make sure things are cool." He says "that's one way to look at it." As we ride up the second escalator, I motion for him to ride in front of me. I look back at the person behind me as if to say "help." I consider if I should ask him to walk me to my car, but then I think, WTF, this guy is going to get IN my car! I'm pissed but also focused.
We walk out to the car and I'm keeping my distance from him. Luckily, and perhaps it was his reaction from me verbalizing that it was not cool for him to touch me and that he was saying weird things, he seemed to keep completely to his side of the car. It was almost as if he recluded into the seat. I'm feeling more and more free the closer we get to Harvard. He continues to tell me stranger things like "he is intensely looking for a wife and to start his family."
Half way there he asks me "so, what is it that I said was weird?" I say, "I'm good, I really don't want to talk about it."
A few minutes later he says "I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable."
I don't answer.
We're almost to our destination and he says "maybe we can go out to dinner sometime and I can try not to be so strange."
Again, I don't answer.
We get to the parking lot, he gets out of my car and I lock it immediately. He asks if he can leave his bag in the car, and my response is "I would rather not."
We get into the bar and find others from the swim team. I'm talking to another guy, Ken is in the corner, and I feel someone touch my side. I whip around and see who it is, but no one had caused it. I turn back to my new friend and say "I'm just really paranoid right now." He says, "so you experienced it?" I look at him in the eye, and say, "yes." He's nodding his head like he knows.
He says, yea he's a real weirdo. Our coach has had to talk to him about it. He's stalked and been creepy to every girl on this team. He turns to the others to fill them in on our conversation and they unanimously agree that he's totally weird.
The validation from the others definitely made me feel better. My body was still on high alert and not relaxed yet. I was practically biting my nails, which I never do.
Later that night I informed my coach of everything that happened. He was definitely pissed. He wasn't there and said that if he was that he wouldn't have done that because he knows that he's onto him. He asked me to write up everything that happened so that he can document it and take action. He also advised to tell any other women on the team about it too.
A couple of days later, my blood pressure still rises writing about the experience. It was definitely strange experience and a good reminder to not trust people without reason and to follow your gut instinct, even it it means hurting some one's feelings.
Pronunciation: \ˈkrē-pē\
: producing a nervous shivery apprehension, a creepy horror story; also : eerie
: of, relating to, or being a creep : annoyingly unpleasant
Main Entry: ap•pre•hen•sion
Pronunciation: \ˌa-pri-ˈhen(t)-shən\
: suspicion or fear especially of future evil : foreboding, an atmosphere of nervous apprehension.
Main Entry: 1fore•bod•ing
Pronunciation: \-ˈbō-diŋ\
: the act of one who forebodes; also : an omen, prediction, or presentiment especially of coming evil : portent
It's Thursday night swim practice and the team is waiting around by the pool. I had been looking forward to tonight for the social after practice. As we waited for practice to start a fellow swimmer struck up conversation with me. In the short minute or two that we talked I had told him that I was planning on going to the social but had to take the train to Alewife to get my car and drive back into Harvard Square so that I'd have my car ready when I wanted to leave.
Meanwhile, I had been working out a lot this week. On Monday I swam, ran, and did core work; on Tuesday I biked with the Rippers in the morning; and on Wednesday I swam. Now it's Thursday and I ran with Zion in the morning and here I was at swim practice that same day. Needless to say, I was tired. So, I jumped out of the pool after 40 minutes, which no one does because practice is always at least an hour. I start heading towards the showers to begin the process of retrieving my car. As I'm walking to the locker room I hear my name and Ken is right behind me. He stops me and offers to walk with me to get my car. I refuse saying, no, you don't have to do that encourage him to get back into the water. By association of the swim team I assume he's a normal guy, but I did think it was odd for him to jump out of the pool earlier then he probably intended to walk with me to my car. After going back and forth, I finally agree to let him come.
Upon acceptance, he says "great! I'll be ready in 5 minutes." I say, "I'll be ready in 15."
I'm by my locker having just gotten out of the shower and I hear Ken's voice echo into the locker room asking me I'm still there. I yell out yes. Knowing that he was waiting for me, I pop my head out of the locker room and let him know that I still had to dry my hair. Upon doing so, he pulls his head around the corner and says "is anyone in there?" My reaction was - "you can't come in here and yes there are people in here!" I turn around quickly and head back into the locker room and he says "you look nice."
I'm back at the hair dryer thinking... this guy is kind of weird. Why would he ask if anyone is in the locker room and why did he even think for one second that he could come in. People are in and out of the locker room all the time and changing. That's just weird. And why would he say I look nice when I'm clearly not ready yet and have soaking wet hair. Yuck.
I walk out of the locker room when I'm done. He offers me his jacket for the walk, which I gladly accept since the temperature had plummeted throughout the day from 6 and sunny to 50 degrees and misty. When he gestured to give me his jacket, he motions like he was going to put it on me for me. I say thank you and just grab the jacket, not letting him put it over my shoulders. In my head I think, this is too close for comfort and everything about this guy is skeezing me out.
As we walk over the JFK bridge I'm consciously aware that he's walking too close to me. My legs are completely bare since I had worn a short summer dress and flip flops that day. In the background, he's telling me what he does for work. His story doesn't make sense and he's talking in circles. He's explaining that his business is managing people's risk. So I ask some probing questions like - "so are you selling the service to talk with people about managing their risk, or are you a money manager? What exactly are you?" He doesn't really answer the question and talks in circles some more. After about 7 minutes of this I say, "if this is your business you should really be more clear about what you do." I'm turned off greatly by this. Being in sales, I have a keen ear for getting to the point and coming away from a conversation with clear answers.
As we wait for the train I'm sipping on my nuun water. He says "give me some of that." Reactively, I hand him the bottle. As soon as he sips it, I think "damn, now I can't have anymore and I'm going to have to throw that out."
We walk onto the train and I take a single seat, flanked by people on either side. He walks over and continues to ask me normal questions in a weird way. He asks "did you go to college?" Most people say "where did you go to college?" I found it both condescending and weird that he asked in that way. At the next stop he asked the person next to me to slide over so he could sit next to me. He sat with a wide stance so that his leg was uncomfortably close to mine and his bag was on his lap and both arms were crossed close to his chest. I felt a tapping on my side as he asked me questions. At the time, I wasn't sure if it was his bag, or his finger.
During the next two stops his talk got to be incomprehensible. He told me that "Boston is such a mind fuck. Everyone lives with all his history, like the Mayflower and Paul Revere." Confused, I asked "so how does that weigh you down?" He had no answer.
Over the next few minutes it became extremely clear that he was unable to communicate in a linear thought pattern. I'm thinking, great - rather than bringing someone with me who could make me feel safer, I'm bringing the weirdo with me.
Each stop we're getting closer and closer to Alewife Station where I had parked my car earlier in the day. The parking lot is large and there is no security. I know that soon I'll be in a unpopulated garage with him and alone. While I'm still in the train I'm getting everything organized so that I have my keys in hand. Here we are, the last stop. At this point, I'm on high alert. My heart is even paced, my adrenaline is ready to surge, and I'm pissed thinking ... if this kid tries to do anything I'm going to kick his ass.
As we ride up the escalator I'm a couple of stairs ahead of him and I feel the back of his finger rest on the back of my knee. I turn around and say "did you just touch me?!" He says "oh sorry, I didn't mean to." I step forward away from him and say in a strong and assertive voice "you're just saying some really weird things. I just met you and you're here about to drive with me and I want to make sure things are cool." He says "that's one way to look at it." As we ride up the second escalator, I motion for him to ride in front of me. I look back at the person behind me as if to say "help." I consider if I should ask him to walk me to my car, but then I think, WTF, this guy is going to get IN my car! I'm pissed but also focused.
We walk out to the car and I'm keeping my distance from him. Luckily, and perhaps it was his reaction from me verbalizing that it was not cool for him to touch me and that he was saying weird things, he seemed to keep completely to his side of the car. It was almost as if he recluded into the seat. I'm feeling more and more free the closer we get to Harvard. He continues to tell me stranger things like "he is intensely looking for a wife and to start his family."
Half way there he asks me "so, what is it that I said was weird?" I say, "I'm good, I really don't want to talk about it."
A few minutes later he says "I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable."
I don't answer.
We're almost to our destination and he says "maybe we can go out to dinner sometime and I can try not to be so strange."
Again, I don't answer.
We get to the parking lot, he gets out of my car and I lock it immediately. He asks if he can leave his bag in the car, and my response is "I would rather not."
We get into the bar and find others from the swim team. I'm talking to another guy, Ken is in the corner, and I feel someone touch my side. I whip around and see who it is, but no one had caused it. I turn back to my new friend and say "I'm just really paranoid right now." He says, "so you experienced it?" I look at him in the eye, and say, "yes." He's nodding his head like he knows.
He says, yea he's a real weirdo. Our coach has had to talk to him about it. He's stalked and been creepy to every girl on this team. He turns to the others to fill them in on our conversation and they unanimously agree that he's totally weird.
The validation from the others definitely made me feel better. My body was still on high alert and not relaxed yet. I was practically biting my nails, which I never do.
Later that night I informed my coach of everything that happened. He was definitely pissed. He wasn't there and said that if he was that he wouldn't have done that because he knows that he's onto him. He asked me to write up everything that happened so that he can document it and take action. He also advised to tell any other women on the team about it too.
A couple of days later, my blood pressure still rises writing about the experience. It was definitely strange experience and a good reminder to not trust people without reason and to follow your gut instinct, even it it means hurting some one's feelings.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Killington's Last Hoorah
Today was Killington's last hoorah. Looking back on the season, Killington got me through some tough months. It saw all of my anger, all of my reckless behavior, and yet it still let me have fun and come back for more, even when I gave it hell. I have so many insanely fun memories of this season including season opener when only two runs were open and yet the whole crew was out there taking as many turns as possible, 80s party when Rachel and I dressed up in matching "let's get physical" type outfits looking ridiculous and dancing like no one was watching, Pimps and Hos theme party at the Pickle exemplifying everything that debauchery stands for, and coveted housemate time together on Saturday and Sunday mornings spent recapping the night before and drinking coffee before hitting the slopes. I've met so many people and have had so many good times and yet this weekend was perhaps the most special for me.
On Friday night when we rolled into the house it was amazing how much the place and the people felt like home. It had been a few weeks since I had seen everyone and it really struck me how much I had missed seeing everyone. The scene was ... chit chat on the couch with Tommy and Mandelbaum, silly stories being shared, a mix of poking jabs at each other and loving banter, the crew rolls in from a Friday night Pickle outing and Cari is giddy and looking fabulous, jokes and laughter in the air and even Clifford has a smile ear to ear. I had a light and happy heart being with everyone taking in the experience, as it existed in that moment.
Saturday morning I took Zion for one more shuffle up the hill. Here's a video of him running at full speed down the hill, absolutely happy as can be.
The house was buzzing with excitement for the Mogul Challenge and everyone got to the hill early to warm up for their qualifying races. The course was icey and fast but everyone progressed on to the next round. The day was exciting and beautiful with bright blue skies. I got a real treat by running into Jodi and her crew. It's crazy, but we have hardly ever skiied together and we both spend our entire winters on the slopes. Having talked about meeting up every time we had happy hour together at the Lookout, we finally got to take a few runs together.
Later that night we found ourselves at our usual spot at the back bar at the Pickle. Everyone was having a great time. We had dancing, smiles, and good humor in the air. There is almost always some kind of drama at the end of the night, but this night was different. Everyone was happy, there, and taking it all in.
Next, duals came on Sunday. The course was even faster than yesterday and the crew monopolized the standings. There were a few head on head rounds of competition between friends and in the end it was practically a battle just to stay on top of your skiis. The course was so difficult that almost everyone who got knocked out of the round blew up and lost their skiis or landed hard after a big jump. Bobby Zeolla should have taken the prize but he settled for second. It was a tough battle for everyone who competed.
Luckily, I've made it home and endured the last tired as hell ride back from Killy on a Sunday. It's been a big season and Killy saw me through it all. I'm signing off with last night's tired eyes and feeling appreciation for where I have come from and where I am now. The last eight months have been like navigating through a labrinth and having to overcome challenges to make it to the next door. Armed with the excitement of moving into a new room, I'd find a flood of water and would have to wade through it to make it to the next stepping stone. I feel like I'm out of the deep dark tunnels and seeing an easier road ahead. The timing of the journey was in parallel to my experience at Killington, and so the two exist in unison for me in my memories. It will be interesting to see what I decide to do next year, but for now, I'm taking things one day at a time.
On Friday night when we rolled into the house it was amazing how much the place and the people felt like home. It had been a few weeks since I had seen everyone and it really struck me how much I had missed seeing everyone. The scene was ... chit chat on the couch with Tommy and Mandelbaum, silly stories being shared, a mix of poking jabs at each other and loving banter, the crew rolls in from a Friday night Pickle outing and Cari is giddy and looking fabulous, jokes and laughter in the air and even Clifford has a smile ear to ear. I had a light and happy heart being with everyone taking in the experience, as it existed in that moment.
Saturday morning I took Zion for one more shuffle up the hill. Here's a video of him running at full speed down the hill, absolutely happy as can be.
The house was buzzing with excitement for the Mogul Challenge and everyone got to the hill early to warm up for their qualifying races. The course was icey and fast but everyone progressed on to the next round. The day was exciting and beautiful with bright blue skies. I got a real treat by running into Jodi and her crew. It's crazy, but we have hardly ever skiied together and we both spend our entire winters on the slopes. Having talked about meeting up every time we had happy hour together at the Lookout, we finally got to take a few runs together.
Later that night we found ourselves at our usual spot at the back bar at the Pickle. Everyone was having a great time. We had dancing, smiles, and good humor in the air. There is almost always some kind of drama at the end of the night, but this night was different. Everyone was happy, there, and taking it all in.
Next, duals came on Sunday. The course was even faster than yesterday and the crew monopolized the standings. There were a few head on head rounds of competition between friends and in the end it was practically a battle just to stay on top of your skiis. The course was so difficult that almost everyone who got knocked out of the round blew up and lost their skiis or landed hard after a big jump. Bobby Zeolla should have taken the prize but he settled for second. It was a tough battle for everyone who competed.
Luckily, I've made it home and endured the last tired as hell ride back from Killy on a Sunday. It's been a big season and Killy saw me through it all. I'm signing off with last night's tired eyes and feeling appreciation for where I have come from and where I am now. The last eight months have been like navigating through a labrinth and having to overcome challenges to make it to the next door. Armed with the excitement of moving into a new room, I'd find a flood of water and would have to wade through it to make it to the next stepping stone. I feel like I'm out of the deep dark tunnels and seeing an easier road ahead. The timing of the journey was in parallel to my experience at Killington, and so the two exist in unison for me in my memories. It will be interesting to see what I decide to do next year, but for now, I'm taking things one day at a time.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Ramping up
The last two weeks have been a lot of fun. I've been focused on getting healthier and working out consecutive days in a row. Thanks to my handy iPhone app called Fitness Plan, I've been tracking my activity. Below is a snapshot of the last couple of weeks. I've been tracking both my workouts and alcohol intake.
Sat March 13th - Swim CMSC 1 hr; Hike with Zion 1 hr at Fells, Sheepfold route(pouring rain)
Sun 14th - Run with Zion 45 min, hill route (pouring rain)
Mon 15th - Spin at BSC, 45 min (still raining)
Tues 16th - Swim CMSC 1 hr
Wedn 17th - Bike with Rippers, 1 hr 45 min - (at 5:45am I'm OK, by 7:15am I'm a popsicle) (1 Guinness - it's St. Patty's Day!)
18th - day off (oops, 4 beers... clearly exhausted from working out, I gave in)
19th - Run with Zion 25 min, around Horn Pond
Sat March 20th - CMSC swim meet at Harvard, swam 1000m in 16:17; Bike 1hr 15 around Mystic Lake and up Johnson Road to main intersection and home; walk with Zion up the "mountain" next to our house with Mom.(out with the girls on a beautiful night after our 70 degree day, 1 beer, 1 wine)
Sun 21st - Hike with Zion 1 hr at Fells, Sheepfold route
Mon 22nd - Swim CMSC 1 hr
Tues 23rd - Spin 45 min
Wed 24th - Swim CMSC 1 hr (1 wine, book club with the girls)
Thurs 25th - Run w Zion around Horn Pond, 25 min
I find that working out consecutive days in a row takes a lot more effort than just the activity itself. To avoid getting sick with, recovering in time to work out the next day, and having the ability to wake up in time for swim practice when the alarm goes off at 4:50am, takes eating healthier, not drinking alcohol, and getting rest.
I've been doing pretty well moderating alcohol intake and I've already gotten made fun of for trying an O'Douls. In regard to eating, I think I've actually gained weight despite my activities because I've been stuffing my face. I also realized that even though I'm working out more, I can't eat a bag of m&ms and 7 cookies in one day. I'm going to make myself a diabetic if I'm not one already. Needless to say, I have a long way to come with nutrition, but I'm happy that I've taken steps towards working out more and adjusting my behavior.
The next couple of months are already busy. This weekend is Mogul Challenge at Killington. I'm planning on getting up early on Saturday morning and taking Zion for one last climb up to the top of Killington Mountain. The rest of the day and night should be filled with complete debauchery. Hopefully it'll be sunny so we can hang out on the back porch of Bear Mountain Lodge and watch my buddies compete. One of them will certainly win. They all bust it hard down the moguls.
Next weekend I'll be in Florida catching some much needed sun and playing tennis with the ladies (aka, my grandmother who will still smoke my ass even though she's nearly 80). April 16th I head to New Mexico to watch Dary graduate from his Para Rescue program with the Air Force. He's been training for two years and doing insane things like jumping out of airplanes at night, scuba diving in murky water, and playing survival in the wilderness. After graduation he'll be stationed in Las Vegas until he gets deployed. More on his adventures later. His girlfriend is a kick butt triathlete and I'm going to do a Sprint Tri with her while I'm there.
I've been meeting more people in my swim club, which has been fun. Thinking about biking in comparison, I've already found that I need more roadie buddies. My Winch Rippers ride early and no one is ever around to ride in the afternoon, so I did some research and found the Northeast Bicycle Club. They have two rides on Saturdays- one that meets at the Cycle Loft and one that rides from Bedford to Harvard (not Cambridge Harvard, the Harvard with the apple orchards). I really want to learn the Harvard route but I hear they have a drop-you and don't look back mentality, which the club is trying to change. However, I think I'll play it safe for my first ride with the group and link up with the Cycle Loft crew.
I did register for a bike race on March 8th called the 16th Annual Sterling Classic Road Race. I've never competed in any bike specific races and I'm hoping to see a lot of hot legs.
On that note, it's already 10pm and I'm not sure if I'm going to get up for swimming tomorrow or skip it. This is the reality that I'm working with. Goodnight.
Sat March 13th - Swim CMSC 1 hr; Hike with Zion 1 hr at Fells, Sheepfold route(pouring rain)
Sun 14th - Run with Zion 45 min, hill route (pouring rain)
Mon 15th - Spin at BSC, 45 min (still raining)
Tues 16th - Swim CMSC 1 hr
Wedn 17th - Bike with Rippers, 1 hr 45 min - (at 5:45am I'm OK, by 7:15am I'm a popsicle) (1 Guinness - it's St. Patty's Day!)
18th - day off (oops, 4 beers... clearly exhausted from working out, I gave in)
19th - Run with Zion 25 min, around Horn Pond
Sat March 20th - CMSC swim meet at Harvard, swam 1000m in 16:17; Bike 1hr 15 around Mystic Lake and up Johnson Road to main intersection and home; walk with Zion up the "mountain" next to our house with Mom.(out with the girls on a beautiful night after our 70 degree day, 1 beer, 1 wine)
Sun 21st - Hike with Zion 1 hr at Fells, Sheepfold route
Mon 22nd - Swim CMSC 1 hr
Tues 23rd - Spin 45 min
Wed 24th - Swim CMSC 1 hr (1 wine, book club with the girls)
Thurs 25th - Run w Zion around Horn Pond, 25 min
I find that working out consecutive days in a row takes a lot more effort than just the activity itself. To avoid getting sick with, recovering in time to work out the next day, and having the ability to wake up in time for swim practice when the alarm goes off at 4:50am, takes eating healthier, not drinking alcohol, and getting rest.
I've been doing pretty well moderating alcohol intake and I've already gotten made fun of for trying an O'Douls. In regard to eating, I think I've actually gained weight despite my activities because I've been stuffing my face. I also realized that even though I'm working out more, I can't eat a bag of m&ms and 7 cookies in one day. I'm going to make myself a diabetic if I'm not one already. Needless to say, I have a long way to come with nutrition, but I'm happy that I've taken steps towards working out more and adjusting my behavior.
The next couple of months are already busy. This weekend is Mogul Challenge at Killington. I'm planning on getting up early on Saturday morning and taking Zion for one last climb up to the top of Killington Mountain. The rest of the day and night should be filled with complete debauchery. Hopefully it'll be sunny so we can hang out on the back porch of Bear Mountain Lodge and watch my buddies compete. One of them will certainly win. They all bust it hard down the moguls.
Next weekend I'll be in Florida catching some much needed sun and playing tennis with the ladies (aka, my grandmother who will still smoke my ass even though she's nearly 80). April 16th I head to New Mexico to watch Dary graduate from his Para Rescue program with the Air Force. He's been training for two years and doing insane things like jumping out of airplanes at night, scuba diving in murky water, and playing survival in the wilderness. After graduation he'll be stationed in Las Vegas until he gets deployed. More on his adventures later. His girlfriend is a kick butt triathlete and I'm going to do a Sprint Tri with her while I'm there.
I've been meeting more people in my swim club, which has been fun. Thinking about biking in comparison, I've already found that I need more roadie buddies. My Winch Rippers ride early and no one is ever around to ride in the afternoon, so I did some research and found the Northeast Bicycle Club. They have two rides on Saturdays- one that meets at the Cycle Loft and one that rides from Bedford to Harvard (not Cambridge Harvard, the Harvard with the apple orchards). I really want to learn the Harvard route but I hear they have a drop-you and don't look back mentality, which the club is trying to change. However, I think I'll play it safe for my first ride with the group and link up with the Cycle Loft crew.
I did register for a bike race on March 8th called the 16th Annual Sterling Classic Road Race. I've never competed in any bike specific races and I'm hoping to see a lot of hot legs.
On that note, it's already 10pm and I'm not sure if I'm going to get up for swimming tomorrow or skip it. This is the reality that I'm working with. Goodnight.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Match.com – Dating Diaries
***Note: I am very sorry if you are reading this and you are one of my dating diary examples. Please forgive me.***
Real Men Don’t like Burberry
It’s a Saturday afternoon and I had just met up with a new Match date about 6 minutes earlier. Due to location we decide to take a stroll down Newbury Street. For those of you familiar, we started walking on the Arlington side and one of the first stores we pass is Burberry.
Here’s how the conversation ensued:
Match Date: I really like Burberry.
Abby: Really?
Match Date: Yea, I really like their stuff.
Abby: Huh. I’ve just never heard someone say that before.
In my head, the following conversation ensues:
Match Date: I really like Burberry.
Abby: Really? I don’t know anyone who likes Burberry.
Match Date: Yea, I really like their stuff.
Abby: Huh. I’ve just never heard someone say that before because #1, that shit is so ugly and insanely expensive. #2. you’re a dude and one of the first things you tell me about yourself is that you like high end fashion!? What does that say about you? #3, Are you trying to tell me that you make enough money to spend it on expensive things?
….In a split second… the following thoughts zip through my mind: Real men don’t like Burberry. You probably spend your weekends shopping and not doing fun stuff like skiing and god forbid you break a sweat. You probably take too much time getting ready in the morning and not enough time pleasing your woman. I want a real man and I can tell you right now that no man that I’m going to be into is going to like Burberry. Are you f&*king kidding me? You’re out.
... And then I spent the rest of the afternoon with a complete stranger who I knew was not a match for me.
Freak Out
After having a minor crazy moment myself, I am happy to report on someone else’s freak out session rather than my own. It’s a funny thing that happens when emotions are tampered with. The story of love is almost always preceded by moments of anxiety, stress, anger, and feeling left out to dry. It’s the part about being single that sucks. After snapping out of my funk, I have to admit that I felt a lot stronger when I saw male-craziness directed at me six-fold of what I dealt out the week before.
The below note was written by a guy through Match.com. He originally sent me a fairly long and nice note. I never replied and here is his follow-up freak out note to me:
Dear MtnGirl2010,
I have to admit that because of you I'm beginning to question the wisdom of a computer generated report on dating compatibility. According to match.com we have a lot in common. It says that we're a mutual match and that I'm looking for a woman like you and you are looking for a man like me. Obviously, match.com made a mistake somewhere. Despite our various areas of compatibility you didn't even feel inclined to reply to my email with a line, perhaps, just to thank me for my interest.
Look, its not my intent with this email to make you feel uncomfortable. I don't actually have the need for an email thanking me for my interest. But as an intelligent woman, I think you get my point. A reply would be the natural, logical thing to happen. So now, I'm questioning whether online dating is really worth our time.
I think that in theory it has the right elements. It shows us one or more pictures of the person selected by the computer to be on our list of possibilities. It shows many areas of compatibility or lack of it to help us make up our minds. It even allows people to write freely about who they are and what and who they're looking for. Still, I think it has failed in our case.
But who knows? Perhaps match.com is right about the basic elements of compatibility, but wrong about human nature. What if when presented with many options we tend to endlessly look for the absolute perfect match. In the real world out there we're normally limited by our environment, the places we visit, the activities we engage in. But here, a whole world of possibility is open for our taking. I think that's a real danger. The ease with which technology presents us with so many options might lead us to an endless search for that ideal person.
On the other hand, it could be something else entirely. It could be that with the power of technology we're misled into thinking that we can have absolute control in choosing the ideal mate. That the system can become some sort of a magic lamp where we express our wishes in detail and the genie magically presents them to us. The problem is that absolute control does not exist. We're not machines. We're complex human beings who react to life in a, sometimes, very unpredictable fashion.
But even if we had that kind of control in choosing a mate, it would take away the spontaneity of life. The unpredictability that makes life more interesting and exciting.
But anyway, this email is getting way too long. I might be wrong on all counts. It's even possible you already found your perfect match and simply forgot to get yourself out of the system. It could be that you're shy or too busy. Or that you really didn't see anything in my profile that caught your interest. Still, I think it's important to remember that we are "people" caught up in a "virtual" world looking for someone who could bring something positive to our "real" lives in the forms of companionship, friendship, and love. So, I think it would be wrong for us to behave selfishly as if we simply don't care. And I have to admit I've been guilty of that too.
So, as action or inaction can have an impact, your inaction has caused me to think about this and re-evaluate my values, attitudes, and ideas. The result is positive. I have no one else to thank but you.
Thank you and best of luck in your search.
- Match.com Dude
Again, thank god it was him, and not me.
Learn Yer Lesson
Today I signed off of Match.com. Like my previous experience on Match, I found that it’s like finding a needle in a haystack to connect with anyone who is compatible with you. Of course, there are incredible stories of people who have found their spouse through Match, which is awesome. The reality is that Match.com shows you pictures, it gives you the facts about someone and a little explanation about what they like to do. It doesn’t show you personality, it doesn’t show you how someone interacts with a group, and it doesn’t show you how they would treat you or if they are fun, kind, and caring.
My biggest lesson, following my week of dating anxiety, was that I need to do what is best for me. I am happiest when I’m with my friends and my family… with people who really care about me. Not only do I need to remember to spend time with the people who I care about, but I also need to focus on doing the things that are fun for me. Rather than bending myself to fit into someone else’s program, I need to stick with what makes me tick. I figure, if I’m going to invest my time looking for a needle in a haystack on Match, then I may as well redirect my time doing something that I would want to do anyway like join a cycling or running group, or attend more swim team socials.
The final lesson is that if he’s interested, he’ll initiate the next move. Period.
On that note, I’m walking away… feeling stronger then when I entered, and with a few lessons under my belt.
Real Men Don’t like Burberry
It’s a Saturday afternoon and I had just met up with a new Match date about 6 minutes earlier. Due to location we decide to take a stroll down Newbury Street. For those of you familiar, we started walking on the Arlington side and one of the first stores we pass is Burberry.
Here’s how the conversation ensued:
Match Date: I really like Burberry.
Abby: Really?
Match Date: Yea, I really like their stuff.
Abby: Huh. I’ve just never heard someone say that before.
In my head, the following conversation ensues:
Match Date: I really like Burberry.
Abby: Really? I don’t know anyone who likes Burberry.
Match Date: Yea, I really like their stuff.
Abby: Huh. I’ve just never heard someone say that before because #1, that shit is so ugly and insanely expensive. #2. you’re a dude and one of the first things you tell me about yourself is that you like high end fashion!? What does that say about you? #3, Are you trying to tell me that you make enough money to spend it on expensive things?
….In a split second… the following thoughts zip through my mind: Real men don’t like Burberry. You probably spend your weekends shopping and not doing fun stuff like skiing and god forbid you break a sweat. You probably take too much time getting ready in the morning and not enough time pleasing your woman. I want a real man and I can tell you right now that no man that I’m going to be into is going to like Burberry. Are you f&*king kidding me? You’re out.
... And then I spent the rest of the afternoon with a complete stranger who I knew was not a match for me.
Freak Out
After having a minor crazy moment myself, I am happy to report on someone else’s freak out session rather than my own. It’s a funny thing that happens when emotions are tampered with. The story of love is almost always preceded by moments of anxiety, stress, anger, and feeling left out to dry. It’s the part about being single that sucks. After snapping out of my funk, I have to admit that I felt a lot stronger when I saw male-craziness directed at me six-fold of what I dealt out the week before.
The below note was written by a guy through Match.com. He originally sent me a fairly long and nice note. I never replied and here is his follow-up freak out note to me:
Dear MtnGirl2010,
I have to admit that because of you I'm beginning to question the wisdom of a computer generated report on dating compatibility. According to match.com we have a lot in common. It says that we're a mutual match and that I'm looking for a woman like you and you are looking for a man like me. Obviously, match.com made a mistake somewhere. Despite our various areas of compatibility you didn't even feel inclined to reply to my email with a line, perhaps, just to thank me for my interest.
Look, its not my intent with this email to make you feel uncomfortable. I don't actually have the need for an email thanking me for my interest. But as an intelligent woman, I think you get my point. A reply would be the natural, logical thing to happen. So now, I'm questioning whether online dating is really worth our time.
I think that in theory it has the right elements. It shows us one or more pictures of the person selected by the computer to be on our list of possibilities. It shows many areas of compatibility or lack of it to help us make up our minds. It even allows people to write freely about who they are and what and who they're looking for. Still, I think it has failed in our case.
But who knows? Perhaps match.com is right about the basic elements of compatibility, but wrong about human nature. What if when presented with many options we tend to endlessly look for the absolute perfect match. In the real world out there we're normally limited by our environment, the places we visit, the activities we engage in. But here, a whole world of possibility is open for our taking. I think that's a real danger. The ease with which technology presents us with so many options might lead us to an endless search for that ideal person.
On the other hand, it could be something else entirely. It could be that with the power of technology we're misled into thinking that we can have absolute control in choosing the ideal mate. That the system can become some sort of a magic lamp where we express our wishes in detail and the genie magically presents them to us. The problem is that absolute control does not exist. We're not machines. We're complex human beings who react to life in a, sometimes, very unpredictable fashion.
But even if we had that kind of control in choosing a mate, it would take away the spontaneity of life. The unpredictability that makes life more interesting and exciting.
But anyway, this email is getting way too long. I might be wrong on all counts. It's even possible you already found your perfect match and simply forgot to get yourself out of the system. It could be that you're shy or too busy. Or that you really didn't see anything in my profile that caught your interest. Still, I think it's important to remember that we are "people" caught up in a "virtual" world looking for someone who could bring something positive to our "real" lives in the forms of companionship, friendship, and love. So, I think it would be wrong for us to behave selfishly as if we simply don't care. And I have to admit I've been guilty of that too.
So, as action or inaction can have an impact, your inaction has caused me to think about this and re-evaluate my values, attitudes, and ideas. The result is positive. I have no one else to thank but you.
Thank you and best of luck in your search.
- Match.com Dude
Again, thank god it was him, and not me.
Learn Yer Lesson
Today I signed off of Match.com. Like my previous experience on Match, I found that it’s like finding a needle in a haystack to connect with anyone who is compatible with you. Of course, there are incredible stories of people who have found their spouse through Match, which is awesome. The reality is that Match.com shows you pictures, it gives you the facts about someone and a little explanation about what they like to do. It doesn’t show you personality, it doesn’t show you how someone interacts with a group, and it doesn’t show you how they would treat you or if they are fun, kind, and caring.
My biggest lesson, following my week of dating anxiety, was that I need to do what is best for me. I am happiest when I’m with my friends and my family… with people who really care about me. Not only do I need to remember to spend time with the people who I care about, but I also need to focus on doing the things that are fun for me. Rather than bending myself to fit into someone else’s program, I need to stick with what makes me tick. I figure, if I’m going to invest my time looking for a needle in a haystack on Match, then I may as well redirect my time doing something that I would want to do anyway like join a cycling or running group, or attend more swim team socials.
The final lesson is that if he’s interested, he’ll initiate the next move. Period.
On that note, I’m walking away… feeling stronger then when I entered, and with a few lessons under my belt.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentine's Day
It's Valentine's Day, which gives me reason to feel a flush of feelings. Since today is dedicated to love, I thought i'd keep it simple and mention a few things that I love.
Nothing glamorous here, so here goes:
candy, dunks, looking back on memories by scrolling through my facebook photos, meeting new people, laughing loudly and sometimes laughing louder than necessary, silence, hugs, Zion sitting close to me, laying my head back on a pillow after a tough workout, compliments, my family and friends, getting a tan, scoring with a chip shot, shaking my rear, beer, honey, fantasy stories, fantasizing, the calm after a run, love, sweet kisses, most variations on the color pink, hot pink, magenta, colored pencils, my brothers, sitting on the back porch with mom and pops, the smell of construction, being outside, sweating when you want to, the feeling of freedom and happiness that comes when someone loves you because of all the things that exemplify all that you are.
Happy Valentine's Day, not just to the person you love, but to all the things that you love.
Nothing glamorous here, so here goes:
candy, dunks, looking back on memories by scrolling through my facebook photos, meeting new people, laughing loudly and sometimes laughing louder than necessary, silence, hugs, Zion sitting close to me, laying my head back on a pillow after a tough workout, compliments, my family and friends, getting a tan, scoring with a chip shot, shaking my rear, beer, honey, fantasy stories, fantasizing, the calm after a run, love, sweet kisses, most variations on the color pink, hot pink, magenta, colored pencils, my brothers, sitting on the back porch with mom and pops, the smell of construction, being outside, sweating when you want to, the feeling of freedom and happiness that comes when someone loves you because of all the things that exemplify all that you are.
Happy Valentine's Day, not just to the person you love, but to all the things that you love.
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